


Mute Lose

by innerboo



Series: Love and Dreams [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Muteness, No Underage Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innerboo/pseuds/innerboo
Summary: Starting at the ages of eighteen and ten, Ukai Keishin and Sugawara Koushi have been connected by dreams. Keishin wants them to stay strangers in the waking world.
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Ukai Keishin
Series: Love and Dreams [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565365
Kudos: 9





	Mute Lose

Keishin stood outside the front of his mom's shop. He faced opposite from it, and saw nothing special. Still, he felt unsettled.

Light snow came from heavy clouds. Despite the fact that no snow stuck to the ground, he felt freezing to the point of being numb.

He had just left the shop, he would have concluded, but then noticed the white abyss a few meters from him.

Keishin never had vivid dreams, but his freezing hands felt real. His eyes saw the detail of the fence, and he could hear a faint sound. Curious, Keishin followed his ears.

The closer he walked, the more he picked up, until he heard a crying child.

He had never liked children, but the fragile sobs broke his heart. He would do anything to stop them.

"Hey," he said, because he didn't know what else could he say to the invisible voice.

Sobs turned into whimpers, and then a quavering voice spoke to him.

"Who are you?" the child stammered.

Assuming this wasn't his inner self, Keishin opted for a literal answer.

"I'm Keishin," he said.

The voice was silent for a beat. Then, Keishin heard fabric shuffle.

"I'm Koushi," the boy said. Koushi's voice sounded closer to Keishin. He assumed Koushi had stood up.

Relieved that Koushi had stopped crying, Keishin felt more pressing matters. Instead of feeling cold, his body burned and ached. He breathed frost, and it nipped at him like fire.

But his body didn't concern Keishin as much as Koushi's. Keishin knew he was in bed, safe and sound, but he met Koushi crying in the street.

"Koushi, Are you at home right now?" Keishin asked.

His legs tingled. He assumed that Koushi's mind told him to run, but Keishin's compassion shut that feeling out.

"Koushi, if you die, we won't be able to talk anymore," Keishin said.

Koushi's confusion and fear bounced off Keishin as he focused on reassuring Koushi. His eyes watered, and his face twitched. He should have sugarcoated his words.

"Once you're safe in bed, we can talk as much as you want. I'll be there waiting," Keishin promised.

If Koushi felt what Keishin felt, then Keishin had to believe this, had to let himself want it. He didn't think of inevitable disappointment. What mattered was saving a child, real or not.

Hope settled into him and then everything went black.

Keishin blinked open his eyes and met his ceiling.

Awake now, he checked his phone for the time.

Ten at night, which means he slept for only a few minutes. Or hallucinated, which seemed plausible considering the short timeframe.

Keishin put his phone away and stared at his ceiling. He pondered.

The likelihood that his inner reflection would be an elementary school student with a different name he felt was minuscule, but he didn't rule it out.

It being a manifestation of his anxieties or stresses also felt wrong. He assumed the boy ran away from home, but Keishin felt contented with his living arrangements.

He didn't have time to think anymore as he passed out.

* * *

He woke up in a white abyss.

The pure, but not blinding, white surrounded all sides. It should have unsettled him, but he felt at peace.

Familiar gravity weighed him down to an invisible floor. He tapped his foot against the surface, but it made no sound.

He felt the fabric of his pajamas against him. He looked at his sleeve and saw the dots of fuzz on it.

Sighing, he went to look at his surroundings again, only to be met with a burst of happiness.

"Keishin?" a voice sounded.

Keishin met the happiness with hope of his own.

"Koushi?" he said.

The earlier burst of happiness turned into a flood only a child could give without hesitance. It made Keishin smile nonetheless.

"You kept your promise," Koushi exclaimed.

"Of course I did," Keishin said.

They soaked in each others emotions. Positivity bred positivity in a feedback loop. Instead of being overwhelming, it felt peaceful.

They stayed like that for the rest of the night.

* * *

"You know how I started high school a week ago?" Koushi said.

Keishin didn't need to feel Koushi's emotions to hear his nerves.

"Did something happen?" Keishin asked.

Koushi's fear and anxiety dug into Keishin. It made breathing difficult, but Keishin worked hard to be calm and steady.

"The guys I met, Sawamura Daichi and Azumane Asahi, they're really fun to be with. I like them a lot," Koushi whispered.

Keishin relaxed his shoulders.

"Scared that I'll disappear if you get too close to them? I already told you that I'm real and here to stay," Keishin reassured.

Anxiety faded, but melancholy replaced it.

"The team feels hopeless. It feels like me and them are the only ones taking it seriously," Koushi said.

Keishin felt the words he wanted to say come to him. That's the only weapon he had against negativity, and he honed it. But he also believes what he says with all his heart.

"Maybe not this year, maybe not the next, but a chance will come. I promise, and you better be ready when it happens," Keishin said.

Shock, then mirth filled him. Koushi laughed.

"Why do I always believe everything you say?" Koushi complained, fondness tinting his voice.

Keishin chuckled. "Because I'm always right."

_Because I believe in you._

* * *

Almost no one came to the shop at dinner time. It gave Keishin time to think.

He spelled to move his hands, but he defaulted to "Coward" most of the time.

Koushi influenced Keishin in many ways.

He quit smoking and drinking because Koushi worried about him. He always got a good night's rest due to their synchronized sleep, and he became better with words just so he could cheer Koushi up.

His feelings also terrified him. Keishin never wanted Koushi to recognize him and be disappointed.

Koushi would only be able to by voice or by name. Keishin knew that, so he discarded both.

His dad kicked him out when he wanted to go by his last name. His grandpa understood though, and proceeded to kick his dad's ass.

That could've been waved off as just being a teenager.

When anxiety took his voice, he started learning how to sign.

Therapy didn't help because he would never tell them the reason. He flushed medication down the toilet and never went to therapy without a fight.

Coward.

"Stop."

Warm hands caught Keishin's, stopping his sign in its tracks. Keishin looked up and saw Koushi.

"Stop," he pleaded, face showing his desperation.

With empathy so soft and warm, Keishin knew the moment he saw him.

Koushi removed his hands and started to sign.

"Don't talk about yourself like that."

"I don't know what you mean," Keishin signed.

Grief showed in Koushi's eyes. Keishin knew why.

"I met a girl who would always sign things like that to herself. She said it was for fun, and I believed her," Koushi signed. His hands shook more and more with each sign.

As usual, Keishin only had his words, but he knew what Koushi wanted to hear.

"Alright, I'll stop, but only because you're so cute."

Koushi's head snapped up. His eyes widened, and his mouth gaped open. He went to sign, then dropped his hands, then went to sign again.

Keishin kept his composure on the outside, but on the inside, he screamed. He did not plan that last part.

Not knowing how to recover from that, Keishin took the easy route and changed the subject.

"How many meat buns do you want today?"

* * *

Keishin laid on his back and took in Koushi's emotions.

He sensed a new feeling from Koushi. It felt like happiness, but also like anxiety.

Keishin waited for Koushi to gather his thoughts. He could hear Koushi's deep breaths calming both of them.

"The guy at the meat bun place called me cute," Koushi said.

Ukai didn't stop the fear that flowed through him. It was futile to stop, so he planned an alibi.

"Careful, Koushi. He might be a predator. Isn't he in his twenties?" Ukai questioned.

Koushi laughed. "Stop it. He probably didn't mean anything by it."

Keishin felt something else going on, something good considering Koushi's feelings.

"We're going to nationals this year."

Keishin made a noise that encapsulated his shock. It sounded like a duck.

"We've got some really interesting first years," Koushi laughed.

Keishin wanted to hug the first years for making Koushi this happy. But the happiness turned bittersweet.

"We still don't have a coach, but teacher said he was certain that _he_ would make a move. I don't know who _he_ is, but I'd take anyone at this point," Koushi confessed.

Keishin made up his mind.

"Anyone would be lucky to coach you."

* * *

Keishin dusted the shelves, waiting for the teacher. He glanced behind him, and found Takeda's face pressed against the window.

He thanked five years of practice for silencing his screech.

Keishin ran out the door, and waved his arms like a madman, trying his best to convey, "Don't do that."

This didn't deter Takeda.

Keishin couldn't hide his shock at the word "Nekoma."

But Takeda didn't stop there. He talked about the closeness of their teams, the former coach coming out of retirement, his old friend, and _does this guy ever shut up?_

With a face showing his annoyance and frustration, Keishin grabbed Takeda by the collar, and _shook_.

Takeda devolved into a mess of apologies. Keishin could even see tears in his eyes.

Satisfied, Keishin let go and headed back into the store. He took his apron off, texted the neighborhood association, and got his bag.

He was as ready as he could be.

* * *

"Allow me to introduce you to Ukai, your coach as of today," Takeda declared.

Shocked silence filled the room. Keishin tried not to laugh and gave his best, "I don't want to be here" face.

"Coach? Do you mean it?"

Keishin looked to Koushi and signed, "Interpret." He then made a "Come hither" motion, and Koushi shuffled forward.

"We have a game at six. I called in your opponents, 'The Karasuno Neighborhood association.' Now get warmed up." Koushi interpreted.

"Yes sir."

Keishin grabbed Koushi by the arm before he walked off.

"Koushi, try to capture my intention when you interpret. Paraphrase if you need to," Keishin signed.

Koushi nodded, but stayed as Keishin gave a, "One second" gesture. Keishin ruffled through his bag, and pulled out an object. He handed it to a confused Koushi.

Keishin winked. "I bought putty."

Realization dawned on Koushi's face and then a lovely blush appeared. Keishin wanted to pinch his cheeks.

Keishin took the putty and dismissed Koushi.

He played with the putty instead of signing. It differed from signing. Signing beat in negativity, while the putty reminded him of Koushi's kindness.

That didn't stop his self destructive thoughts, but in theory, it should take the edge off.

The association arrived. While he organized the team, some late guy named Asahi showed up.

Keishin and Koushi ran outside. Koushi interpreted how Keishin asked him to, and went above and beyond.

"If you don't hurry up and get changed, Coach Ukai is going to brutally—"

With every descriptive word of painful violence, Asahi paled more and more until he darted to change.

Keishin gave a silent laugh and slapped Koushi on the back. Koushi laughed as well. Finally seeing Koushi's laugh in person made Keishin's heart jump.

It didn't even occur to him to wonder why.

* * *

Keishin had trouble deciding what setter he should use for Nekoma.

Takeda suggested it was because Koushi was a third year. Keishin ran with it, cause it'd look creepy if he told Takeda of his fondness.

As Keishin picked up a ball, he froze.

Terror invaded his body, but he didn't falter. Instead, he dropped the ball and bolted out the door, praying his legs knew where he was going.

His legs took him to a dirty alleyway. Koushi stood pushed against the wall by a thug.

A knife pressed against Koushi's neck.

His mind adjusted to the situation, bringing a cold calmness to his body.

Keishin pulled out his phone. He needed leverage. His flash went off, alerting the demon to his presence.

"Wow, it shows your face so clearly," Keishin mocked.

The demon growled. "Delete it, or I'll kill him."

The adrenaline was enough to make Keishin giggle, which backed his bluff.

"That's fine. I was just heading somewhere else. I believe it's called a police station?" Keishin taunted.

The demon roared, and exploded towards Keishin. Keishin's mind whirled.

When he came to, a knife stuck out of the demon's chest.

Keishin kicked the body aside, and walked to Koushi. He didn't know if Koushi wanted space or contact, so he stopped in front of him.

Koushi looked up. His eyes were blank, and his chest heaved up and down. Keishin didn't fare better.

Koushi pulled Keishin close. He could feel Koushi's warm, erratic breaths. Keishin made an effort to control his own breathing. He needed to be steady.

Koushi closed the gap and kissed Keishin. Keishin jerked back on instinct and saw Koushi's blank eyes again.

The pieces of the puzzle clicked together, but Keishin didn't have time to think about that.

Sensing Koushi's energy running out, Keishin picked Koushi up bridal style. He carried him out of the alley, and walked to a nearby bench.

Keishin set Koushi down. He sat beside Koushi and rested Koushi against him. He waited for Koushi to get his bearings, but became drowsy.

He blinked, and then the sky went white, but everything else stayed the same.

He didn't see Koushi, but could feel his confusion.

"Well this is new," Keishin joked.

Koushi cringed, and panic filled him. Keishin batted it away.

"I'm safe Koushi. I'm more worried about you. Something else happened," Keishin said.

Koushi's breaths deepened and shook.

"A guy pulled a knife on me," Koushi confessed.

In theory, Keishin knew anger wouldn't help the situation. But that monster marked himself for death.

"Ukai killed him," Koushi said.

Keishin stared at the hands that took a life. They looked clean but felt dirty.

"What would you think if I did the same?" Keishin whispered.

"I'd kiss you too," Koushi admitted.

Keishin's mind went blank as Koushi backtracked.

"He pulled back right away. It wasn't really a kiss. It was more like a press?" Koushi stammered.

Koushi's fear and shame tried to swallow him up. The emotions confused Keishin. Koushi reacted with amusement, which only served to confuse Keishin further.

"I feel like I'm betraying both of you," Koushi admitted.

Keishin's eyes widened. His realization showed through his emotions, and Koushi reacted with remorse.

Keishin couldn't bounce this one off, not when he felt guilty as well. But he had his words, and a decision to make.

"I went mute when I was twenty, but you probably suspected as much," Keishin confessed.

Koushi hummed in affirmation. He felt confused, but happiness bloomed in his chest.

"I was a grown man who was coddled by his parents. I was blunt and irritable, and not at all the angel who saved a child."

Koushi felt conflicted on whether to interrupt or not, but he could feel a weight that he never noticed crumble and break.

"To be honest, I'm terrified of you hating me, and I'm terrified of the thought of having our connection severed," Keishin confided.

"I don't know what you're planning," Koushi interrupted. "But you should always put your own feelings first."

Keishin chuckled.

"Never."

* * *

They woke up to a phone ringing.

Koushi took his phone out and gave it to Keishin.

"I don't want to think about it," Koushi signed.

Keishin nodded. He declined the call, and went to text Sawamura instead. He sent the text, and placed the phone on the bench. Koushi stared at him throughout his actions.

Keishin looked back, and their eyes met. Koushi searched Keishin's face.

Before, Keishin only had his words, but now he had hands that could warm Koushi's own and a face that could show his care.

Finding what he looked for, Koushi smiled and gripped Keishin's arms. Keishin winced.

"You're an asshole, Keishin," Koushi whispered.

Koushi shook Keishin back and forth. Tears fell from Koushi's face and jolted Keishin out of his stupor.

Keishin caught Koushi's arms, and Koushi let go. He entwined their fingers, and pulled Koushi close.

"Koushi," Keishin whispered.

Koushi rested his head on Keishin's chest. His breathing synchronized with Keishin's, and his body relaxed.

They didn't need to say anything else.


End file.
